All contents, unless mentioned, are written by me.

Still wanted. A watchable fighting video game inspired movie adaptation. At this rate we’re having, I’m going to name JCVD’s awful “Street Fighter” as the best fighting video game inspired movie adaptation. I haven’t seen “Tekken,” though, but I’m guessing that it would be around the same level of this ridiculously loud, and a pain-to-watch film. At least, in JCVD’s “Street Fighter,” the cast gets to pose as befitted their cabinet arcade machine characters counterpart they’re trying to portray. Unfortunately, there’s no such thing from “King of Fighters.” The film tries too hard to take itself seriously, and by doing so, failed utterly, completely, miserably.

Obviously trying to cash-in the arguably most popular character in the King of Fighters game for her (two) obvious reasons, Mai Shiranui, the film opens with Maggie Q, on her way out from the shower. As she blankly stares into the fogged mirror (with apparently nothing but a towel, I must add), she puts an earpiece (a cheap looking bluetooth earpiece by the look of it) and looks like transported to another place where she donned a fighting suit, which sadly nowhere near the semblance of fighting suit she was famous for. Then a fighting ensues. The fighting that was supposedly a part of a tournament called “King of Fighters.” However, if you had had an experience as a button-masher fighter before, by the look of this first fighting scene, you’ll know you’re in for a trouble.

“King of Fighters”‘s universe is a huge one. A little more so because unlike most fighting games, you’ll usually get to pick a group of three characters whom somehow related. Story-wise, or blood-wise. Naturally, only a handful of these characters made into this screen and all of them, are almost painful to watch. Heck, even Maggie Q natural awesomeness couldn’t help this film. I was bored almost to a point where I considered to walk out of the theater.

And I thought “The Legend of Chun-Li” was bad.

The film spins a little sci-fi to its story. Now, sci-fi is a nasty beast to tame for a film. Almost universally, you must spent a considerable screen-time to explains the rule of a sci-fi you wish to convey to the audiences. Remember “Inception”? That film spends a lot of time to explain the dream world during Mr.DiCaprio and Ms.Page mind-bending scenes. This film also spends a lot of time to explain the rule of the world that enabled people, you know, transported through another world, euh, dimension by the means of a cheap-looking bluetooth earpiece. Only much much worse, and seemingly much much much much longer. No excitement whatsoever emanates from the film when Iori Yagami explained the nature of the three artifacts to a super hot but looks very super bored Mai Shiranui. At this point, the couple of guys sitting on my immediate left was soundly asleep.

And then there’s Ray Park as the film’s supposedly super-villain. He has a screen presence of an uncredited extras and made Lex Luthor in “Superman IV” thousands time more menacing. And his motivation? Implausible. In short, he was a complete waste of time. I can’t believe that this guy did Darth Maul in “Star Wars Episode I.” I guess time does change a man.

All in all, I think the men behind this film knows full well that they’re dangerously toying with the audiences’ patience and expecting them to be patient is a terribly long shot. You know it’s like expecting a pig could fly *and* shitting gold while it was airborne. Thus, the choice of super hot Maggie Q, and the presence of the lesbian fighters, Vice and Mature. It’s a very very cheap trick and it doesn’t work. If you didn’t shifted in your seat, or playing with your cell, or ever glancing at your watch, or fallen asleep, or simply walk-out of the theater, then I must see you in person because I think you’re a Zombie. Impervious to human’s emotions.

My rating: 0 / **** A sci-fi themed fighting video-game movie adaptation. Bad idea. It spends a terribly long time to explains the “world” and when the ball finally gets rolling, it was a huge disappointment. Stupid, uninteresting, cardboard characters and a laughable super-villain. Even the presence of Maggie Q, and Vice and Mature (don’t care about their respective real names) doesn’t help. If anything, they made the experience even worse.