Some would genuinely pat my back, and earnestly wished me luck, but most, had wondered why I had to let go a perfectly adequate job, to another venture that wasn’t exactly a *huge* improvement over this very last one. Well, friends, we could sit all week and argue, comparing your notes and mine, and yes, you’re right, your points are carefully thought out and absolutely true. But, only as much as you believe that it was true. After all, it all eventually boils down to one, and another that came after it. Choice, and decision. And these are unique to each individuals. Yours and mine, would and should be different. It’s the beauty of life.
All I could say that, well, there are some very fundamental reasons behind this decision, and I won’t bore you with the details.
There was a time in my life, when I’m simply lost. Without guidance, sailing a black sea, on a moonless night heavy with clouds, with naught but a black sail, black oar, and nothing but a broken lantern to light my way. It was the bleakest time in my life. One that I would like to think as one of the lowest during my chalked-off years. It was between 2003 and 2006, I think, and I tend to exclude those years as much as I can. From my résumé, from my conversations, from my biography, and for everything in between. I was reborn in 2006.
As anyone who knew me more than a skin deep could attest, I have been, and probably still am, a driftwood. “Flowing with the currents,” I used to say, “Going where the wind blows,” borrowing from that song from Mr.Big, on another or, “I like to think myself as a stallion. A destrier. Running wild, free, to wherever I damn well pleased.” Oh, who am I kidding? It was so wrong, and not to mention, a wasteful of my youth. And I stand corrected, nine years too late, yes, but I’ll stand corrected anyway.
It’s definitely not a coincidence that my wasted years had ended in 2006 and I had met my wife on the very same year. Call me what you will, but she has been the rock of my life. She saw my ship and out of pity (at first), she fixed it, manned it, and steer it to a distant port, promising wealth, fame, and all the better life has to offer. For the first time in years, heck, for the first time in my life, I had a purpose imposed by a much stronger character than me, but also the only one that mattered.
In 2007, she urges me to join this company. I wasn’t very interested. But, she made a point that with working here, I could have had an ample of spare time to do whatever I was damn well pleased, and *still* have some sort of safety net. She was right, of course. I’ve had had a generous spare time it’s a crime. Worse, I’m starting to enjoy myself almost to a point where I”m simply spoiled by it. It made me lazy. Fortunately, at the end of 2009, my path of life crossed me with another, who gave a harsh, but a very necessary wake up call. One thing led to another, we finally (me and my wife) decided that it’s time for me to stop lazying around and get a move on.
For most, high school was lots and lots of fun. Three years of doing nothing but play, never (much) worrying about anything, and small to no responsibility of life whatsoever. Well, to be quite honest, I’ve never had much fun in high school. Something always irked me about that particular time, I just really can’t say what it was. My wife had pointed out that deep down, in subconscious level, I don’t want to remember those time and therefore, I had always refused to talk about it. Probably she was right, again, but honestly, I couldn’t go beyond the vague level of abstraction to describe what was wrong in that particular time, only that it was, simply, wrong.
Anyway, as fun as high school was, it only lasted three years. And all the fun must come to an end.
The last four years I had in this company was probably the equivalent of that kind of fun. I had spent perhaps ten thousand hours idling, never doing much, only playing and fooling around, and shouldered small to no responsibility. It was fun. So fun, that each time I got paid, I was immediately ashamed because I was paid for doing nothing. But well, finally responsibility calling, I’m thirty now, and the fun must come to an end. This old soul need food for thoughts and the last four years has proved vain to have much, if any, of it and therefore, for the greater good of all, I need to show myself to the door. And I did.
Moving on, July 9th, 2007 ~ May 4th, 2011.
PS: The image has nothing to do with anything only that it was from the best underdog story that I’ve ever seen, that whenever I’m down, or having a steep hill to fight, my mind had wandered off to it and lo, and behold, the music start playing. “Gonna Fly Now.”